New York, New York

I am sooo excited! Tomorrow, finally, I will be realizing one of my life dreams. Maybe to some of you it doesn't sound like much, but to me, it is. I am traveling to New York City, and I won't believe that it is actually happening until I see something that screams out NEW YORK! so loud that I will have to cover my eyes and ears at the same time, don't know how I'll do it, but I'll manage somehow. Wish me luck!

On our own, and I know I can do it.

I have been dreading to write this post, just because it would make what I am going through, just that more real, but here it goes. I am back in Miami, for good. I came back a month and a half ago. I got tired of all the drama I had been going through, and I thought that my kids didn't need to suffer any more dreadful moments. I just packed my bags and decided to come home with them. As you probably have guessed already, I am getting a divorce. Just writing it makes me realize that it is a fact, and not something I dreamt.

I don't want to go into many of the details, just until my divorce is finished, because I think that by then I will be a free woman, not only free from my marriage, but free to write about what I have been through, and hope that there is someone out there reading about my experience and realizing that they are not alone, like I always felt I was.

My life in Bolivia wasn't what I had hoped for, and my relationship with my soon to be ex husband, was just unbearable, and it was getting worse. We had always had problems, but things just got out of hand. For many months I felt that I didn't have an option, that all I could do was hope that things would get better, instead they got hopeless and unhealthy for me and my kids. I was feeling physically ill. The thought that there was nothing I could do to make things better, even though I did everything I could think of to save my marriage, just made me feel like I was going to have a panic attack at any given moment. I physically felt like my I couldn't breath and I my heart just hurt so much, because I felt helpless.

Now that some time has passed, and I realized that life doesn't end with a relationship, I feel so much better about myself. I know now that I can do it on my own, and that I don't need to suffer any more humiliation, just because someone made me believe I was good for nothing, and that I could never be on my own taking care of my kids.

My kids are feeling very relieved because they can see that I feel happy with my decision and not scared of the new life that we have started on our own.

I will be writing more about what is happening with me and my kids in the days to come. I just wanted to get it out in the open.

The sacrifices we do for family.

For the past two weeks I've been very busy because my sister-in-law, my nieces, and the baby arrived to Santa Cruz, so we have been spending most of our time with them. They were staying with us in our tiny apartment for a few days, and you can't imagine how crazy it was. Let me paint you a picture of the craziness that it was.

I live in a three bedroom apartment, the rooms are not tiny, but they are small, too small to fit two twin beds, so each room has one bed. For this past year Camila and Rebecca have been sharing a bed, although Camila sleeps in my bed sometimes, the lucky one is Leo who doesn't share a room with anyone, but when my parents come over, they sleep in Leo's bed, and Leo sleeps on an inflating mattress that we arrange in the living room.

When my sister-in-law arrived, my parents were here because of Rebecca's graduation, so they were using Leo's room. What we decided to do was that Norma (my sister-in-law), one of the girls and the baby would sleep in Rebecca's room. My parents would still sleep in Leo's room, My other niece Farrah, Rebecca and Camila would sleep with me in my bed. Leo would still be sleeping in the living room, and my poor husband would have to sleep in the sofa. So yup that's how we thought it would work out best. It worked well until three in the morning when I woke up and I was almost falling from the bed, so I decided to go to sleep to the smaller sofa.

This only lasted a couple of days and then my sister in law found a hotel that had rooms with washer, dryer and a kitchen, so they moved there, then my parents left and now it's all back to normal. Even though we were uncomfortable for those days, we were all happy, because we were together. That's what loving your family means, and I love mine.

I cried happy tears.

Graduation day finally arrived on friday. It is the proudest I have ever felt in my entire life. We spent the whole afternoon at the salon getting our hair and nails done for that night. I knew that I would get a little emotional, because she's my first born, and I never had a graduation, but I never imagined the water works that came right after she stepped down from the stage. As soon as hugged her, down poured the tears that felt as if I was standing right under a shower head, inside the Niagara Falls on a rainy day, and my husband just looked at me, and then started looking around to see if anyone was watching. His expression was that of someone who has seen someone do something horrifying, and doesn't want people to know that he actually knows the person who did that horrifying thing. I didn't care, my baby had just graduated, and I was the one who didn't understand why everyone wasn't acting the same way I was.

Here's Rebecca with her dad.

This is the whole class singing their graduation song.

The next day we had the prom party. My sister in law was supposed to get here the night before with her two daughter, bet they missed their plane, and Rebecca got so upset, because she wanted her cousins to be with her that day, that she didn't want to go to the party anymore. It took much begging to convince her that she should still go to the party, even though her cousins were not here, finally she agreed to go. Once again we went to the salon and got our hair done. We were very excited to go to the party because we knew it was going to be amazing. It was at the best hotel in Santa Cruz, Los Tajibos. When we got there, they had a studio set up with photographers, the place looked amazing, and everyone looked beautiful.

This was our table. There was another table for Rebecca and her friends. Everything was decorated in gold and black. Gold because it was the school's 50th year anniversary, so it was twice as for the school, having a graduating class, and celebrating their anniversary at the same time.

They made each graduate enter with one of their parents.

Here are all the girls in her class, getting their picture taken at the studio. They all looked so beautiful. Most of them had their dresses made by famous Bolivian designers, and let me tell you, the dresses were amazing. I didn't spend that much money on Rebecca's dress, but she still looked like a movie star to me.

A diploma under her arm.

Rebecca's graduation ceremony is today. My parents are getting here any minute and my sister in law is arriving tonight from Miami with my two nieces and the baby. The day has arrived when I can say I have a daughter who has graduated high school, and I feel DAMN PROUD. All the hard work has paid off, and there is more to come when she goes to college. I have to run now to the salon to do my hair and nails, so that I can look really good next to my graduated daughter. I AM ONLY 34 AND MY DAUGHTER IS GRADUATING.

Rebecca, I am so proud of you, and I love you so much.

My first work of art.

I had a little extra time in my hands today so I decided to try and learn how to use Adobe Illustrator. This is my first work of art, if you can call it that. It isn't that easy, but I think I would like to take some classes to learn how to master this program, you can really do amazing stuff with it.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day in Bolivia, and Camila's school had a show for all the moms. They were the last ones to do their routine, because they are the oldest ones in that school. She was wearing a shirt she painted, it said I love my mom in spanish.

They danced to some ABBA songs, which I love, and they started with Mamma Mia. She had promised me that she was gonna dance this time, because every time she has anything to do with acting, or dancing, or singing, she just stands there without moving a muscle. You can read another post about a similar situation here.

I don't know why she doe's this, she isn't shy at all in other situations, but when it comes to doing things like this, she just freezes. I really loved the show, even if she didn't do anything at that moment, I know she was singing and dancing inside, deep inside.